Linda’s Story

Before I landed on Planet Grief, I was unable to comprehend why anyone would write a message or a letter to someone who was no longer around to read it or hear it. Now, sadly, I have far more understanding than I wished I possessed. Sometimes we have an overwhelming need to say, ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’ and hope that somehow our loved ones hear our message.

Here, Linda has shared with Planet Grief a deeply personal and heartbreaking message to her son, Daniel. I’m sure anyone reading it will want to silently wrap their arms around Linda and hold her tight.

I lost my lovely son four years ago. I miss him so much, even though in the last years of his too short life he was a royal pain in the a***. He was an alcoholic, he was pursued by demons. The alcoholism drove away the daughter he loved more than life and he went into self destruct mode. He was a sensitive and gentle soul, someone who wore his nerves on the outside. He was 36 when he died alone, in squalor, not discovered until I finally got hysterical after two weeks.

I miss you Daniel, I love you always. The pain never goes away, I let you down, forgive me. Mum xxx


Reply April 18, 2016

Hi Linda, I read your post and had to comment as it hurt to read. Honey you can't blame yourself for what happened to your son.
I'm sure you did everything possible to help him, but sometimes people are just to far gone to help, addictions like those he had are so hard to break and if he had other troubles on top as well it would have been like trying to fight a loosening battle for him.
You can't blame yourself for that, and as much as you wanted too you couldn't take his problems away only he could have done that Hon so please don't think you failed your son because I'm sure you didn't.
Sometimes people are just so overwhelmed and lost there's just no coming back from it and again that's not your fault.
You didn't make him drink and turn him into an alcoholic Hon his demons did that that for him.
It hurts so bad when we can't do anything to help our children in situations where you can see they are drowning, you would give your own life to be able to help them if you could.
We always think we failed them if we can't help them as we are their mum thats just how it is, but in the end truthfully the only person who could have helped him was himself, and for some reason he just couldn't do that.
The death of your child is something no parent would ever get over, but blaming yourself will make it so much harder.
Prayer helped me immensely, as I could tell God anything and everything that I was feeling, I could rant and rave and say what I wanted and he always answered me.
Wether it was words spoken on the tv, or a person saying something to me or hearing something on the radio or reading something,what ever it was I heard or was said to me s it was always somehow related to what I'd prayed about, and it brought me so much peace and comfort.
I don't know your beliefs on God Linda but prayer does help so maybe it could help you.
I hope as time goes on that you start to believe that there was nothing more you could have done to help your son and that your able to see that you are not to blame and neither did you fail him and I'm sure he certainly would feel that way if he could tell you himself.
I hope I've not offended you in anyway with what I've written but your post really touched my heart and I just had to reply. May God bless you and bring you comfort and peace of mind that you did all you could and to help you see your a great mum. Xx