Libby’s Story


My thanks to Libby for sharing the story – and pain – of losing her son, DP.

I lost my kind, beautiful, boisterous, intelligent son very suddenly and unexpectedly 19 months ago…I did not get time to say goodbye, or to tell him how much I loved him and how proud I was of his achievements in his short life…Nothing. In the blink of an eye he was gone, snatched from me, from this life, and from all his tomorrows. I could not bring him back, I could not save him, I could not protect him, he had left this world and in his passing I was left to pick up the semblance of what was left of my life without him in it. The first year I lived in a kind of a fog wherein it was hard to decipher the real from the surreal. Since that awful day nothing has ever been the same. He was the light in my life.

D.P. was a special soul with a beautiful raw energy about him and a zest for life and knowledge…life for him was to be lived, to be enjoyed, to be experienced to the full. Now I live in the half light…that is truly how it feels, I cannot imagine a day when I will ever feel differently but I hope it will change in time. Some days are easier to get through than others, so I suppose in some small way that is a change in itself. I am a survivor and every day I wake up and I get up and try to put some semblance of normality into my day I prove that to myself. He took such a huge part of my heart it could never be whole again, but that’s ok, it was his to take. I will always miss him, and the healing may take the rest of my life, who knows where it begins or where it ends. Parents are not supposed to outlive their children, it is not the way of things, it goes against the natural cycle and the very rhythm of life, but it is where I find myself. Someday… soon I hope, I will try to do something positive with the life I have been given, to help other parents going through this pain. I don’t know how or when it will be but I believe In reaching out to them, not only will I be honouring their loss I will be honouring my son D.P., his life and his memory in some small way. That is all I can do now to show him how much will always love him. Actually I read a quote this very day it said ‘To know the road ahead, ask those coming back’ Chinese proverb. Somehow it resonated with me and perhaps it is a sign I am on the right path.

I wish love and healing to all those who read this post. I believe you would not have found this site were not on your own personal journey of grief and healing.

3 Comments

Planet Grief
Reply September 29, 2015

Libby, thank you so much for sharing your story with the readers of Planet Grief. The web stats shows that many many people read the blog, even if they don't comment, and I have absolutely no doubt that your post will touch many hearts.

It is interesting the proverb you mention: To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. This is the quote I chose to go in the front of my book because I find it so powerful.

Much love to you. xxx

Janet
Reply November 10, 2015

Libby can fully identify with your story lost my beautiful son just over two years ago can't write yet but definitely will some time can't read more than a few lines at a time concentration never returned so glad to read this at the beginning of bad things happen in good bikinis which correct me if I am wrong is the origin of the planet grief

    libby
    Reply January 6, 2016

    In reply to Janet..
    It is coming up to two years now for me and I can say the second year has been even harder than the first.. Perhaps because I was in a kind of fog for a lot of the first year I was numb. The second year it is very real and very raw, I understand your pain totally at having also lost your lovely son it is palpable through the words left in your comments to my original post. The loss of concentration is not a nice feeling but I believe it is very normal.. We are carrying so much grief whilst trying to live some type of normality from day to day it is hardly a surprise for it to take a huge toll on us.. our energy is all but taken up with the effort. I am sure it is like that for anyone with a broken heart and when it is caused by the loss of a child whatever their age it's so difficult to cope with because the break is permenant we have lost a part of ourelves in the loss of a child.. Be gentle on yourself, grief has no time limit and we all cope with it differently and in our own time. I hope in the future you manage to post Janet I think it might help to share your story. Thank you for taking the time and effort to share a little of your story with me, it helps not to feel totally alone in ones grief.