In grief, many of us ask ourselves: Why me? Why did this have to happen to me? It’s a natural part of the grieving process to feel as if we have been singled out and made to suffer. As we meet other widows and widowers and hear their tragic tales of love and loss we (perhaps) answer our own question with: Why not me? None of us – even widows – are immune from life’s cruel twists and turns. I know widows who have lost more than one spouse, who have faced new bereavements whilst still grieving past losses, who are battling life-limiting illnesses. But yesterday I heard news of a widow for whom I thought: Why did it have to happen to her?
One of the members of a bereavement group I am in – Widowed and Young – has lost a much-longed for baby. Her child was full-term, but unborn. I don’t personally know her, but I have followed her journey through grief and news of her pregnancy. On the 4th April and approaching the birth, she posted that she was frightened that her happiness and hopes for the future could be snatched away from her again. Others who are parents consoled her that all expectant mothers feel the same, that she had nothing to worry about, that everything would be fine. Two days later, her baby was dead.
Being a widow isn’t an insurance policy for future happiness.
Sometimes it should be.
Image by Sarah Wilkins